When babies cry , parents often find themselves faced with a dilemma: should they let their babies cry so they can learn to calm down on their own, or should they intervene immediately?
Babies, still unable to speak, have no way to communicate except through their cries. Between 15 and 30% of babies cry more than 3 hours a day even if they are in excellent health. However, baby crying is a source of stress and even anger for young parents and can sometimes be the subject of medical consultations during the first months of life.
In this article, we explore different perspectives on this crucial issue, examining common approaches , impacts on child development, and alternatives for soothing babies . Every child is unique, but your patience and kindness are the key to creating a serene environment for your child.
When does baby cry?
Crying is babies' primary form of communication. At an early age, they cannot express their needs through words, and so crying becomes their primary way of signaling discomfort or need for comfort.
Babies cry most often during the first 3 months of life. And this is also the time when crying is most intense. One study suggests a "crying curve" that states that:
- Around 2 to 3 weeks , the newborn begins to cry: the crying begins to intensify and may be linked to a growth spurt.
- Around 6 to 8 weeks , the baby has "evening cries": these are emotional discharge cries whose intensity varies depending on the baby. The crying reaches a peak during this period.
- After about twelve weeks , we speak of “minimum crying”: the crying gradually decreases.
Why is baby crying?
Baby cries vary and their intensity differs from child to child. Although the reasons remain unclear, around 3 months, babies cry to express needs. We can thus identify several causes to help you decode baby cries according to situations:
Crying begins before or during meals :
- Hunger: Newborns have small stomachs and need to feed frequently. In this case, offer to nurse if you are breastfeeding or a bottle. He may also need to burp after his meal.
- Pain : crying, which is very high-pitched, can express pain (teeth, intestinal cramps, infant colic or even fever)
- Discomfort : During periods of agitation, babies may express a feeling of discomfort (a dirty diaper, if it is too hot or too cold, a burp or a blocked nose)
The crying starts when he is in his bed:
- Need to be close to the parent : Sometimes crying is simply a way for the baby to seek affection or comfort. Babies may be afraid of being alone in a large open space such as their room or their bed. You may want to pick them up, cuddle them, and talk to them to reassure them.
- Overstimulation : baby cries because the environment is too bright or noisy. Reduce the sources of interactional stimulation.
- Discomfort : Baby may express a feeling of discomfort (a dirty diaper, if it is too hot or too cold, a burp or a blocked nose).
The crying starts as soon as you pick him up:
- Fatigue : Babies may cry if they are overtired or have trouble falling asleep.
- Understimulation : Baby is bored and may need to be entertained.
Approaches to managing crying: let baby cry or intervene?
There are several approaches to managing crying babies, including cry-it-out methods and immediate comfort strategies. Two of the best-known methods are the Ferber method and the Weissbluth method.
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The Ferber Method: Proposed by Dr. Richard Ferber, this method recommends letting the baby cry for increasing periods of time before intervening. The goal is to teach the baby to self-soothe and develop independent sleep habits.
However, this approach can be difficult for parents who prefer to respond immediately to their child's needs. In addition, babies' brains are not yet developed enough to allow them to manipulate those around them or throw tantrums through crying. It is therefore rather recommended not to let a baby cry for a long time. Listening to and understanding baby's cries are necessary tools. It should not be a matter of systematically responding to every baby's cry by taking him in your arms. Favor soothing through both touch and speech! The goal is to not ignore baby's cries for too long.
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The Weissbluth Method: Dr. Marc Weissbluth, on the other hand, advocates responding immediately to a baby's cries. He believes that crying is a sign that a baby needs comforting, and letting a baby cry can create more stress for both the child and the parents.
Each method has its advantages and disadvantages. Parents should choose the one that best fits their values and parenting style.
Letting Baby Cry: What Are the Consequences?
The impact of crying out on babies' emotional and psychological development is a topic of debate. Research on this topic shows mixed results.
Some studies suggest that cry-it-out, when done under controlled conditions, may not have significant negative consequences for a child's long-term development. However, other research indicates that prolonged crying can lead to increased stress in babies, which can affect their emotional development and sense of security.
Experts generally agree that chronic stress can have detrimental effects on babies' brain development, so it's important to find a balance between letting your baby cry to develop independence and meeting their emotional needs.
Parents therefore play a determining role in the context of infant sleep.
This is why a frequent lack of reaction to a baby's cries can lead to psychological consequences that manifest themselves in adulthood. The latter can be victims of emotional problems, sleep disorders, anxiety, addictions, but also depressive symptoms!
What to do when baby cries? Relieve and soothe him
Generally speaking, calming a baby's cries is not an easy task and parents can quickly feel overwhelmed. But this form of communication induces real needs of the baby that deserve to be taken into account. Here are some tips to calm and comfort your baby:
- Babywearing: Using a sling or baby carrier can provide immediate comfort to your baby and promote a sense of security.
- Rocking: Gentle, steady motion, such as rocking in the arms or in a baby swing, can also be soothing. Additionally, sleep quality is improved when a toddler is rocked by their parents.
- Massage: massaging your baby in a clockwise direction can soothe him in case of colic or relax him
- Distraction: Distracting your baby by stimulating him with games can be a way to stimulate him and calm his crying. You can also offer him his comfort blanket or a stuffed animal that plays sounds called white noise.
- Going out : going for a walk with baby can help calm their crying because the soothing movement of the stroller.
- Bathing : Water can sometimes relax and calm a baby's crying. So don't hesitate to give him a bath, it's a good way to soothe your baby!
- Communication : Even if he probably won't understand what you say, it's still important to reassure your baby.
- Skin-to-skin : Skin-to-skin can have a relaxing effect on babies. Also, the warmth and movement of your body can soothe and calm your baby if he or she is uncomfortable.
- Laying baby face down on your forearm, back against the belly, head in the elbow and your hand between his legs : this position can be soothing for the baby
- Swaddling : If baby likes the feeling, swaddling is a solution to calm him down.
- Pacifier: This can be a great solution to soothe your crying baby because the suction reminds him of your breast or bottle. It can also help baby fall asleep more easily.
- The ritual : establishing a ritual helps to reassure your baby.
Constant crying, combined with fatigue, can be very difficult to manage and live with. If your baby is crying a lot, do not shake him to stop crying and adopt the right actions . If you feel exhausted, put him in a safe place and leave the room to calm down.
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Worried about baby crying: when to consult?
Babies don't cry for "nothing." That's why when all of your baby's needs are met but your baby continues to cry a lot, persistent crying may be a sign of underlying issues that require professional attention . So, you should see a doctor or pediatrician if:
- The crying is incessant despite all efforts to soothe the baby.
- You notice signs of pain or discomfort that seem unusual.
- The baby has significant difficulty sleeping or calming down.
Be careful not to confuse them with excessive crying often due to colic .
- An abnormally high frequency or tone
- Frequent crying after 4 months
A professional will be able to assess the situation and provide you with appropriate advice to manage your baby's crying effectively and safely.
Sobbing spasm
Breath-holding spells are when a baby stops breathing involuntarily and loses consciousness for a short period of time. They occur following a frightening or unpleasant event such as upset. This autonomic nervous reflex usually occurs from 6 months. Breath-holding spells, although frightening, do not cause any long-term harm or risk! Despite the brevity of the crisis, it is recommended to:
- Lay baby on his side to prevent him from choking on his saliva
- Do not shake or spray baby with water
- Shorten the crisis time by putting a cold water glove on his forehead
- Remove objects that could hurt him.
However, it is strongly recommended to consult if the little one:
- Less than 6 months old
- Has symptoms of breath-holding spells without any particular event triggering them
- Take time to regain consciousness
- Has convulsions
- Recovers abnormally slowly after the crisis
Incessant baby crying is often synonymous with annoyance for parents and can quickly become difficult to bear. However, it is absolutely essential to stay calm since toddlers feel all emotions. Your stress and impatience could make the situation worse. If the pressure mounts, regain your calm by going outside or by entrusting your baby to your partner or another trusted person.
Letting your baby cry for too long can have negative consequences, but it is obvious that you cannot systematically respond to his cries and screams. Trust your instincts because no one will know your child better than you, while keeping in mind that crying cannot be ignored for a long time. The trick is to find the balance!
